When I'm in the middle of something, sometimes I think of another thing. Wandering about everything--well, not every single thing on this universe. Most of it is about the purpose of life and analyzing why I or people do it.
Twenty something is the phase when you question every moment, I guess. As much as I hate that other people who ask me, I also hate sometimes when I have the whys lurking inside my head. Sometimes when I get stuck, I think that I'm a perfectionist so I won't do it unless it will end up good. And I think, "I want to show people that I'm good". Which leads to "God, I'm a such a people pleaser."
Currently I feel so much intimidated. I remember I wrote on a post (not a long ago) about my role at my previous office. I can say that I was quite a big fish. The team trusted me to construct and what I was doing gave an impact (at least of what I saw). While in my current office, I feel like I'm just an ugly street stone among well-crafted marble statues. There I said it. And then there are couragement sayings (from myself and my friends) like,
"Yeah, well, that's life.. I have to face it, deal with it, take the opportunity to grow."
"You'll be there (to be as great as them statues), it's just a matter of time,"
"Maybe I should change the way I work, the way I think, the way I see person,"
And from my observation, people truly have their own battle. We are all broken inside.
Ada yang bilang "santai aja, jangan push diri untuk memuaskan orang. Kalau pun mau push, push untuk diri sendiri."
Ada juga yang push himself all the time to get the best version on what he does. "I'm competitive to myself," he said, which I replied, "there is someone who is extremely competitive and make other people feel small and worthless." dan kemudian gosip which he might not paid attention much :p
Ah, ramblings. I just want to let my fingers dance and my mind wanders. Just to prove myself that I am not stupid.
Cheers!
