Bridesmaid Dresses

So, it comes again, the time where your friends get married and they give you a bridesmaid-dress cloth and then you start to think; what kind of dress should I make with this cloth?

In November, I was given a pink-tosca dress cloth. After contemplating on #bridesmaiddresses Instagram tags day and night, I decided to make it... well, quite ordinary. Like, really, you can easily spot a hijabis wear that kind of dress in aaaaany wedding reception. It looks like this:

I'm on the left. Btw, thanks #chrisnazarahwedding for the photo

Of course it's not me who actually made the dress. Ibu penjahit langganan deket kantor yang berkali-kali gw minta untuk jahit bahan-bahan baju bridesmaid. Ibu yang ini lumayan juga sih, cuma bukan tipe penjahit yang desain sendiri dan punya ide-ide yang kadang dibutuhin ketika orang awam seperti gw stuck dengan model.

Sampai ketika bulan Januari gw harus jahit bahan lagi. Kali ini even more challenging: warna PUTIH. Buat saya yang gendat tentu saja ini adalah tantangan. Gimana caranya bikin baju putih tanpa bikin gw terlihat tambah lebar? >:|

Lalu gw pun kepikiran, kenapa sih baju bridesmaid harus yang formal-formal gitu? Dan karena feed Instagram (yes, I'm addicted to Instagram, parah) gw adalah akun-akun vintage dress, and I FREAKING LOVE VINTAGE DRESS ESPECIALLY THE 20s, so I thought, "let's make this dress more like me by making it like the iconic 20s!"

Inspirations:

And of course Briony from Atonement inspired me as well.

And, no doubt, the mainstream model for the 20s inspiration, Daisy from The Great Gatsby.

Gw pun menggambar, menjelaskan, dan merevisi desain yang gw mau ke Ibu penjahit. Hasilnya? Well, not exactly dainty like those women I showed you but close enough. I mean, sebagai pionir baju bridesmaid yang agak di luar pakem, this is a good start. Pun, jadinya ini baju bridesmaid pertama kalinya yang nggak mesti tahan perut.

White and supposed-to-be-gold-but-more-like-mustard in #FidAriaWedding.
Btw, bahan warna mustardnya sih nambah sendiri.

DID I NAIL IT? Lol.

Gw jadi berpikir from now on, gw mau mencoba dress-dress semacam ini kalau dikasih bahan jahitan lagi. Kecuali kalau yang emang harus kebaya sih ya. I love kebaya + kain as well. Such a traditional look. Baju kebaya bridesmaid yang paling lumayan sejauh ini:

#MayangAdamHalal2016

That was after I did my mayo diet on early 2016 HAHA that's why I looked skinnier. Sekarang, bye.

I originally wanted to blog about why I love the 20s dresses so much. But I guess I have some lists I want to write about and it will be a super long post if I do it now. Anyhow, dikasih bahan buat seragaman itu sebenernya seru, apalagi pas difoto bareng sama temen-temen lain. Cuma pusingnya adalah mencari model yang bisa dipake pas hari H dan setelahnya. Karena sayang aja gitu kalau cuma dipake sekali doang. Total kayanya ada 7 baju (dress dan kebaya) jahitan gw yang custom, termasuk kebaya wisuda. Dan honestly, baju-baju itu jaaaaraaaaaang sekali dipake. Even kalo pergi kondangan lain juga jarang dipake.

Mari kita akhiri dengan kata-kata mutiara dari Ibu penjahit, "dikasih bahan wae atuh, kapan atuh neng Hawa ngasih bahan?"

Cheers!

Rasa dan Logika

Menulis itu menyembuhkan.

Menyalurkan penat yang menggenang jenuh dalam pikiran. Mengalirkan kata yang tak tersampaikan oleh lisan. Menyuntik keberanian karena menulis adalah jujur dengan diri sendiri tanpa harus dinilai orang. Menciptakan ruang dimana kita merasa aman, jauh dari bingar hidup yang tergesa-gesa.

Aku menulis dengan rasa. Hidupku dijalankan dengan rasa.

Kupikir kebencianku akan angka dan keenggananku akan logika bisa berakhir. Ternyata, aku sama saja dengan memilih mati. Karena hidup, dalam setiap jengkalnya adalah sebuah perhitungan eksak. Dibangun dengan geometri, berjalan dengan probabilitas. Meski tak selalu 1+1=2, tapi semesta berhitung. Katup jantung punya jadwal, bahkan penciptaan manusia dimulai dengan kelipatan 2. Cacatnya saja bisa dipetakan dengan kalkulasi.

Hidup tak bisa bergantung pada andai-andai. Bahkan keajaiban saja ada rumusnya.

Menjadi lengkap jika rasa dan logika bekerjasama.

#dealwithit

When I'm in the middle of something, sometimes I think of another thing. Wandering about everything--well, not every single thing on this universe. Most of it is about the purpose of life and analyzing why I or people do it.

Twenty something is the phase when you question every moment, I guess. As much as I hate that other people who ask me, I also hate sometimes when I have the whys lurking inside my head. Sometimes when I get stuck, I think that I'm a perfectionist so I won't do it unless it will end up good. And I think, "I want to show people that I'm good". Which leads to "God, I'm a such a people pleaser."

Currently I feel so much intimidated. I remember I wrote on a post (not a long ago) about my role at my previous office. I can say that I was quite a big fish. The team trusted me to construct and what I was doing gave an impact (at least of what I saw). While in my current office, I feel like I'm just an ugly street stone among well-crafted marble statues. There I said it. And then there are couragement sayings (from myself and my friends) like,

"Yeah, well, that's life.. I have to face it, deal with it, take the opportunity to grow."
"You'll be there (to be as great as them statues), it's just a matter of time,"
"Maybe I should change the way I work, the way I think, the way I see person,"

And from my observation, people truly have their own battle. We are all broken inside.

Ada yang bilang "santai aja, jangan push diri untuk memuaskan orang. Kalau pun mau push, push untuk diri sendiri."

Ada juga yang push himself all the time to get the best version on what he does. "I'm competitive to myself," he said, which I replied, "there is someone who is extremely competitive and make other people feel small and worthless." dan kemudian gosip which he might not paid attention much :p

Ah, ramblings. I just want to let my fingers dance and my mind wanders. Just to prove myself that I am not stupid.

Cheers!

Introverts United

Here's me bashing why I am an introvert. :))

And lately I'm addicted to my phone. God, help me! Like, really! It triggers dopamine release in my brain every damn time I check it--the social medias to be exact. And you know what happens when dopamine is produced by your brain? You'll do the thing over and over again to pleasure yourself. I wish I have something dopamine-releasing activities other than scrolling Path, Instagram, and Youtube. Gak cuma ngabisin kuota, tapi kebiasaan buruk ini juga ngabisin waktu terbuang sia-siaaaa~ memang kau pantas dapatkan! (sing the "Karma" song by Coklat, fellow 90s kids!)

And speaking of the guilty pleasure of Youtube, as I said wrote before that it is my playground where I can find content on my liking, and Buzzfeed videos are some of them. This one sums up my social skill:

And I love seeing Buzzfeed people and their office. So 2016! Kekinian banget!

Here are the things in case you don't want to click the video:

• Enjoying a good book
• The "do not disturb" feature
• Avoiding conversation
• When plans are cancelled
• Headphones
• When nobody's home
• Rain
• Hiding under covers

The blue ones are my true favorite. I thought I was a bad person when there was a time I was happy I couldn't come (well, decided not to come) to a holiday with my friends. I called my friend who hosted it (his house was voted together for staying during the holiday) that I couldn't join and suprisingly he said that he secretly wished it's cancelled. "I think I'm just gonna be a good host now for them," he said. Haha, introverts united.

But today I actually, truly, regret I couldn't join that holiday. Damn it, I was so obedient to my ex back then. He recommended not to go because he would miss me, blablahblah. Ew. Okay why is this goes off topic? Well yeah that, and the fact that it would be lot of interactions with people during the holiday so it would be exhaust me as an introvert. But it looked like fun and.... other reason. :p

Well anyway, it's nice to share it with you, whoever-reads-this!

Cheers!

Honest

Gw kadang takut untuk nulis karena berpikir orang bakal gak suka dengan apa yang gw tulis. To think that they will not be impressed with my life. Padahal gw pengennya apa yang gw tampilkan berkesan untuk orang lain. Yea, I'm a people-oriented person. I'm a "yes" person. Instead of having an argument, I just nod and silent most of the time. Well, grumpy in the inside actually, holding grudge. I know I have so much negative attitudes right now. Anti social, procrastinate A LOT, not getting works done (yet). My motivation is like going very, very south. Dropping to minus forty. I guess there's nothing exciting happen in my life so I feel flat and empty.

Again, if I look around, I hate myself. I hate that everybody's going somewhere. I know this is a phase, probably the lowest mood so far in this 27 years of life. Well, not as desperate as 2012 I guess, the job-seeking time. I started to feel this after my birthday last August. What happen to me?

I hate to show you that I'm too far from perfect. I hate that this makes you feel better because I'm miserable and you're not. But, my sanity is more important than your opinion. So I'm trying not to give a f*** about it.

I'm no angel.

Kalau kata awkarin, "kelansemuasucihakupenuhdosaah"