Introverts United

Here's me bashing why I am an introvert. :))

And lately I'm addicted to my phone. God, help me! Like, really! It triggers dopamine release in my brain every damn time I check it--the social medias to be exact. And you know what happens when dopamine is produced by your brain? You'll do the thing over and over again to pleasure yourself. I wish I have something dopamine-releasing activities other than scrolling Path, Instagram, and Youtube. Gak cuma ngabisin kuota, tapi kebiasaan buruk ini juga ngabisin waktu terbuang sia-siaaaa~ memang kau pantas dapatkan! (sing the "Karma" song by Coklat, fellow 90s kids!)

And speaking of the guilty pleasure of Youtube, as I said wrote before that it is my playground where I can find content on my liking, and Buzzfeed videos are some of them. This one sums up my social skill:

And I love seeing Buzzfeed people and their office. So 2016! Kekinian banget!

Here are the things in case you don't want to click the video:

• Enjoying a good book
• The "do not disturb" feature
• Avoiding conversation
• When plans are cancelled
• Headphones
• When nobody's home
• Rain
• Hiding under covers

The blue ones are my true favorite. I thought I was a bad person when there was a time I was happy I couldn't come (well, decided not to come) to a holiday with my friends. I called my friend who hosted it (his house was voted together for staying during the holiday) that I couldn't join and suprisingly he said that he secretly wished it's cancelled. "I think I'm just gonna be a good host now for them," he said. Haha, introverts united.

But today I actually, truly, regret I couldn't join that holiday. Damn it, I was so obedient to my ex back then. He recommended not to go because he would miss me, blablahblah. Ew. Okay why is this goes off topic? Well yeah that, and the fact that it would be lot of interactions with people during the holiday so it would be exhaust me as an introvert. But it looked like fun and.... other reason. :p

Well anyway, it's nice to share it with you, whoever-reads-this!

Cheers!

Honest

Gw kadang takut untuk nulis karena berpikir orang bakal gak suka dengan apa yang gw tulis. To think that they will not be impressed with my life. Padahal gw pengennya apa yang gw tampilkan berkesan untuk orang lain. Yea, I'm a people-oriented person. I'm a "yes" person. Instead of having an argument, I just nod and silent most of the time. Well, grumpy in the inside actually, holding grudge. I know I have so much negative attitudes right now. Anti social, procrastinate A LOT, not getting works done (yet). My motivation is like going very, very south. Dropping to minus forty. I guess there's nothing exciting happen in my life so I feel flat and empty.

Again, if I look around, I hate myself. I hate that everybody's going somewhere. I know this is a phase, probably the lowest mood so far in this 27 years of life. Well, not as desperate as 2012 I guess, the job-seeking time. I started to feel this after my birthday last August. What happen to me?

I hate to show you that I'm too far from perfect. I hate that this makes you feel better because I'm miserable and you're not. But, my sanity is more important than your opinion. So I'm trying not to give a f*** about it.

I'm no angel.

Kalau kata awkarin, "kelansemuasucihakupenuhdosaah"

Dimana Pun Berada

Lalu apa?

Bahwa tak selamanya menjadi biasa. Kata ini meluncur saja melawan sekat norma.
Kau tak ingin menjadi hilang. Menjadi gumpalan lumpur yang menumpuk di dasar sungai.
Tak menjadi masalah kau tak ada. Matahari masih terik dan langit masih merona senja.
Aku pergi mencari wajah. Yang akan kukenakan saat burung menukik ke permukaan air menusuk seekor salmon. Yang akan kubawa saat awan terganggu tidurnya akibat pesawat yang lewat tanpa permisi.

Kau adalah harum. Pucuk di kala fajar.
Berkelana mencari selembar rasa, yang ditandatangani semesta.
Padahal Tuhan hanya memberi perintah sabar. Lalu kenapa aku memintamu segera datang?

Current Addiction: Grace Vanderwaal's Original Songs

Have y'all heard about Grace Vanderwaal?

If you haven't, please spare your two minutes to see her sing. She's the current winner of the America's Got Talent. My, she's incredibly talented. 12 years-old girl with a unique voice who writes her own song and sing it while playing ukulele. I mean, just watch:

She sang her originals through out the competition. And I LOVE all of them. Sweet and simple from the everyday life of a teenager.

Simon said she's the next Taylor Swift. Well yes in term of "famous", but I think Grace's voice is one of a kind. Although I know that Taylor Swift writes her own song as well, but I hope Grace's unique songs won't be stories about how-I-got-to-know-this-boy-and-he-dumped-me-and-boy-I-hate-him.

Isn't she cute as a button?

And now, you have heard about Grace Vanderwaal. The more you know!

Cheers!

Tolong Bawa Kecewa Konyol Ini Pergi, Hujan.

Tidak dalam tarikan nafas ini kau mengadu. Aku yang datang padamu, lalu merengek minta dikasihani.

Kupikir kita ini sama. Punya penat yang ingin dibagi. Punya minat yang haus atensi. Tapi aku menjadi selingan saja, tak pernah diajak bertukar ide.

Apa kabar dirimu?

Aku sembunyi di balik kata. Tak pernah bolos dari pentasmu menjadi juara.
Aku mundur ketika kau berderap maju. Tak mau mengganggu landasan terbangmu.
Kupikir kau tak butuh aku. Karena aku tak paham apa-apa. Karena aku tak paham apa-apa maka kau berlabuh pada masyarakat pulau emas dan tembaga. Padahal pulauku tak kalah siap menerimamu apa adanya. hanya saja kau akan disuguhi sekam dan tenda sederhana. Kecil dan ketinggalan jaman.

Tak paham kenapa harus ada kecewa yang tumbuh. Mungkin karena ada harapan.

Aku benci menjadi penonton.

JUST TELL ME THE DAMN THING.

"Ya gw gak mau, jangan paksa gw dong."

Oke. Oke. Tak mendapat jawaban adalah suatu jawaban.

JUST BE FINE, OKAY?

Lanjut kerjaan lagi, ah.