LDR (Lu Doang Relationship)

I remember the times when I was a hopeless romantic. My close friends who know my experiences on too many unrequited love will understand. Being best friends they were, of course they encouraged and supported me by joking that the only relationship I had with my crush(es) was "lu doang relationship".

"Lu sama dia beda keyakinan sih, be. Lu-nya yakin ada hubungan sesuatu, dianya sama sekali gak yakin." - motivational words from my cousin.

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Although unrequited love sucks, it drives me to write a poem. Rasa manis-pahit akan harapan dan kemarahan yang dipendam sendiri lalu keluar menjadi kata yang menyembuhkan sementara. Di sisi ide, sangat menyenangkan. Di sisi kehidupan, ya tentu saja menyebalkan.

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I saw you paddling across the river, so I made my own boat to do the same. I drowned, but I got up and made to the land, soaked in mud.

I saw you picking roses, so I ran to the nearest garden to do the same. They were pale and the thorns hurt my fingers. While you walked out fine and brought splendidly beautiful roses.

I saw you hiking up a mountain, so I tied up my shoelaces to get there too. I fell, many times. 
I thought it was worthy to do, so we can stand side by side in any place in the world. But I realised, while I was catching my breath horribly, you never looked back.
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Tentang bagaimana seseorang ingin menjadi seperti orang yang disukainya. Ibarat "I'll do everything to be with you, to make you think we're the same, to make you favor me". Padahal katanya "don't you chase people, instead chase dreams on your own, the right people will come". Tapi memang kadang rasa semacam itu muncul saja tanpa permisi. Tinggal kitanya saja yang memutuskan; mau dipupuk atau dimatikan.

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Beribu kata yang kurajut dalam diam selama satu dekade, tak pernah sampai ke dermagamu.
Dalam senyap kuhempaskan jemari sebagai perpanjangan rasa yang tak pernah padam.
Kau tak pernah tahu, atau menolak tahu.
Stagnasi bayanganmu, naif saja kusimpan seperti kertas itu yang kian lama kian lapuk.
Padahal kau bermetamorfosis di luar sana, menghitung langkah dan bermain dengan kesempatan.
Satu, dua.. dan kita tak pernah bertemu lagi.
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And then I realise that no matter you impress them--people you like--but if they don't have the same "energy" with the one that you offer, you can't be together. We sometimes think that they are so mean, tapi sebetulnya hanya karena tidak pada frekuensi yang sama saja.

Orang yang terjebak di unrequited love seringnya mengasihani diri and put themselves as a victim. Well, I did. I thought it was just right. But when I saw someone who are in my position that I used to be (yang mengasihani diri sendiri dan menganggap orang yang gak suka sama dia itu jahat), I think to myself that "she shouldn't be like this" and then I talked to myself that "well, I shouldn't be too".

Katanya, love moves in a mysterious way. We never planned to fall in love with that particular person. But if we share the same vibe with them, se-unlikely apapun kelihatannya, semengejutkan apapun tipe pasangannya, ya it will happen anyway. Apapun (relationship) yang sedang kita hadapi masing-masing, let's embrace it and always be grateful. <3 font="">

Cheers!
#31dayswritingchallenge #day4